For the Love of You

I wrote this song on one of those days I was panicking at the thought of becoming a 'full-time missionary' with YWAM. What about my troubled family history with the organisation? What about starting a career? What about security, a 'normal life'? I picked up my guitar and sang one of my favourite verses to myself, like a lullaby.

"Greater love has no man than this
that he would lay down his life for his friends"

Something in my heart went *click*. There's no other way to explain it.

So here I am, a missionary. Listen to the song, it explains all! Sort of.

Medley from '07 (Coldplay Cover)

Right at the bottom of the pile of rubble that is the folder entitled "Delhi 07" is this gem, imaginatively entitled 'video 248'. What makes the 7:36 minutes of this video so very epic? Well, it's a Coldplay medley, and everyone knows Coldplays lyrics give you that warm, fuzzy, but slightly aching feeling in the pit your stomach: "I know exactly what you're saying, Chris Martin! And I kind of wish I didn't."

Oh, what good is it to live with nothing left to give,
forget but not forgive, not loving all you see?

However, what's really special about about this video for me is the people. I have my trusty buddies Andy and Tenzing beside me, our hands moving in perfect synchrony up and down the fretboards, as though we are one three-headed musical insect with six comically bobbing feet. There's a moment when we're singing in three-part harmony, and the many-voiced crowd joins in:

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

I treasure that moment.

I know my smile at the end was tight-lipped and self-conscious, and I forgot to say "Thank you" before I fled from the stage, but I think this was one of the highlights of my college existence. For a few fleeting moments I wasn't just one lonely, slightly awkward undergraduate student - as we all sang together, I was part of something bigger, and it felt amazing. Oh, to live a life caught up in something bigger than myself!

Sick but Rejoicing

Dear Ones,

There will be no video this week, because I seem to have caught chicken pox, and am slowly being overtaken by little red spots, but oh, God is so good to me! Of all the weeks I have ever spent at YWAM Harpenden, this is the best one for chickenpox, because our schedule is still flexible, we have a flat (so I don't infect other people), and it's that time of year when the sun is shining jubilantly, late into the evening. Best of all, I have the Joy of my Heart, my Jesus, to meditate on, whisper my feverish thoughts to, and sing croaky hymns to from my sickbed. Glorious!

Love, Taryn

Revenge (Switchfoot Cover)

Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss. The crowds he had healed and loved cried out in a bloodthirsty frenzy, "Crucify him!" Even thieves hanging on either side of him joined in the cruel mockery of the innocent one. And me? I drew first blood.

Jesus hung there on the cross, hatred hitting him like nails through his flesh, with the power to call down all the angels in Heaven to wipe out his persecutors. That would have been a fitting revenge. You could walk away from that feeling like all the loose ends of that nice, feel-good Jesus story were tied up neatly. Instead, He said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." You can't walk away from that.

That's when the irony hit me
That this was revenge
That love had descended and stolen my pain away

Not Alone, Not Afraid

I have made epic journeys, competed in marathon races, battled and conquered fierce enemies, swum the oceans of the world - in my mind. Yes, like all of you who grew up reading under the covers, reading on the front of your dad's motorbike, reading in the shower (did no one else try that?), I often see real life through the lenses of an epic story. This song is about an epic journey - well, actually, I wrote it in high school, it was about teenage struggles, which are always more interesting if you imagine them in terms of an epic story - a heroine setting her face like flint, "though the shadows grow so tall", though adversaries "press her hard on every side", for she knows this is true, in the present tense, no less: "the light has shone in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5

If I Ain't Got You (Alicia Keys Cover)

The first time I performed this song was in 2005, with a friend from school. We were two teenagers dwarfed by a gleaming wooden stage, gravitating to the familiarity of the lone Klavinova piano waiting in the spotlight. The previous user of the piano had played havoc with the transpose button. The song started ridiculously low, ground to a halt, and was recommenced when the piano was de-transposed. Alicia Keys would have rolled over in her grave, if she had been in a grave - as it was, maybe she rolled over in her bed, many timezones away.

False starts notwithstanding, the wise men with the funny hair were right: "All you need is love."

Thanks for listening!
Taryn

My Exceeding Joy

I was asked to sing a song to a church of 15,000 people (don't worry, only 5,000 people per sitting, no pressure) while we were in Rwanda. An honour and an opportunity, right? Well, I panicked, I worried. What could I say or sing that wouldn't be just a drop in the ocean of Rwanda's unspeakable suffering?

The moment came, I was beckoned on to the stage and donned StagePresenceTaryn, an immaculately poised professional. My inner palpitations infected the first line of the song with a slight tremor, but then the words began to flow, clear as a mountain stream.

"Why are you cast down, o my soul?/ Why are you struggling?/ The Lord has not forsaken you/ so put your hope in Him/ put your hope in Him!"

The attentive silence erupted. The crowd went wild! There was cheering, ululation, clapping, cries of "Amen!" and "Hallelujah!" I was so surprised I almost forgot to keep singing.

Maybe all anyone really needs to know is that God has not forsaken them.

Thanks for listening,
Taryn